Respite

Hello, again. It’s been a while (I think I hear a song in there!). As many of you know, my previous blog went “quiet” for quite some time.

My husband was diagnosed with tongue cancer in 2007 and went through many treatments, tests, and trials over the next 10 ½ years. During those first few years, the blog was my haven – a chance to write about words that helped me stay upbeat and encouraging…and encouraged. Somewhere near the end of 2013, my husband’s issues became increasingly serious and the time required to write a blog post became an issue. What was once a haven, my blog posts, was now a chore. And I never want something to be a chore that has the intended purpose of encouraging people!

That’s where today’s word comes in – respite. I was going to use hiatus as the title of this post, which basically just means a pause or gap. Well, that’s certainly true – 5+ years could be called a pause or a gap 😊. But the word respite expresses that gap more fully – “a period of rest or relief from something difficult.” Writing has never been difficult for me but writing in an uplifting way during an extremely discouraging time in my own life was, indeed, difficult. It sapped my energy, energy I sorely needed to tend to my husband. Thankfully, conducting workshops and webinars during that time became my own lifeline, allowing me to tune in to what you needed and forget the scary stuff he and I were going through. But something had to give and that something was blog posts. I always knew I would be back!

If you’ve ever been to my programs or attended any of my webinars, you know that my focus is to encourage those who attend – encourage them to look at the positive, encourage them to be lifelong learners, encourage them to use the knowledge they are gaining, and encourage them to live their best lives.

And that brings us to a new year – 2019. My husband passed away in 2017 and I have spent a year and a half finding my footing in a life I never imagined – as a widow. I can’t say I’m quite there yet, but the respite that I allowed myself has brought me a long way to settling into this new reality. I am so thankful I allowed myself not to feel guilty for not posting. The respite truly was the rest I needed.

I’m ready to start this blog – and be your encourager – “afresh and anew” as the saying goes. So, my question for you is… is there anything in your life that might require a respite at this stage? Is there anything you are doing out of guilt or someone else’s expectations that simply isn’t feeding your soul like it should? Certainly, we must do things at our jobs that may not exactly feed our souls…and we have obligations to family and friends that we would never want to let slide. But perhaps there are other things that you’ve been doing because…well, you’ve just been doing them. If you are excited by those things keep at it! If, however, they drag you down and make you feel like they just add another chore to your to-do list, maybe it’s time you step back and see if that’s a chore you really want to invest time and energy into.

As part of my resurrected blog process, my plan is to post about once a month – sometimes more often if things pop into my mind that I think you’d find helpful. Sometimes maybe not quite that often if I am wonderfully busy conducting workshops and webinars. Either way, you’ll be “seeing” a lot of me!

And as you know if you’ve ever attended any of my programs, face-to-face or online, I’m always here to listen or give feedback if you think that might help you flesh things out a bit. Just drop me an email at lfbruno@cfl.rr.com – I’d love to hear from you!

Awareness

Hello everyone,

It feels good to be “back in the saddle” as they say, with my blog posts (if you see me at a workshop, remind me to tell you about being in a real saddle – at a dude ranch – in October of 2018…and I didn’t even break a bone!). As I meandered around my previous blog re-reading some of the posts, there were some words in there that I think are worth revisiting, especially since those posts were written so many years ago. Things change, we grow, we grow older, maybe we even grow up.

One of the words that immediately caught my attention is awareness. Without an awareness of whether we’re growing, we won’t. It’s that simple. And continuing to grow can be a vital part of a healthy life. In the community I live in, I am surrounded by folks who have retired. In my mind, that’s a wonderful thing IF you are still growing in some respect. That may mean taking one of the hundreds of classes offered here. Or it may mean you’ve finally found time to read more or garden or write poetry. Any and all of that qualifies as growing as far as I’m concerned. It’s when we stop even being aware of becoming stagnant that life loses its luster.

My husband had a quote taped to his computer monitor, where he spent much time while teaching online: “How dull it is to pause, to make an end, to rust unburnished, not to shine in use! As though to breathe were life!” From Tennyson’s “Ulysses.” Being aware of living rather than just existing.

Since I love what I do and it not only enables me to grow but sometimes forces me to do so, I don’t plan on ever retiring. Maybe slowing down a bit at some point, but not dropping out of the game altogether. That’s because I am aware of my own tendencies. I tend to need fairly regular stimulation for my mind – it goes places I don’t want it to go if I don’t keep challenging myself with new things to learn. I start dwelling – without even being aware of it – on the big questions of life that have no real answers and may end up just frustrating me. When I keep busy doing things I know will help others, it helps me stay grounded.

I’m also aware that I can take the learning and growing attitude to an extreme – when I immerse myself in my work to the point I become isolated. My awareness tells me that’s not healthy.

If you’re like me though, you may be aware of something but choose to ignore it. In that case, the question to ask yourself is, “Is this serving me well?” Although I am very aware that, as an introvert, being alone recharges me, I know that isolating myself doesn’t serve me well in the long run. I recognize that when I’ve been hunkered down in my office for so many days the mailbox is overflowing, I have been ignoring the importance of socializing – or at least getting out into nature to go to the mailbox! And to make good use of my awareness of my own tendencies, I make a point of scheduling lunch dates with friends and clients or I reach out by phone or email to others who aren’t physically close enough to sit across a table and break bread together.

There are many other areas where awareness will serve us well. Recently, as I was sequestered at my desk – no surprise, right? – I realized that I had eaten a half bag of dill pickle cashews – that wasn’t serving me well, either! I really didn’t want to quit – they are yummy. But my awareness of trying to eat healthy so that I have the energy and stamina to continue my work overrode my desire to see the bottom of the bag…this time.

For you, it may be an issue of working too much, overspending, overeating, being negative, watching too much TV, spending too much time around negative people, succumbing to the sometimes-detrimental allure of social media, or any of a number of things that may be a part of your life. The question becomes, will you choose to act on your awareness of that issue in your life or choose to ignore it? It is a choice, remember. And it’s YOUR choice.

Until next time, stay aware – then decide what you’re going to do because of that awareness. And if you need some help in that area, just drop me an email at lfbruno@cfl.rr.com – I’ll probably be sitting at my desk engrossed in my next learning adventure!

Encourage

Hello everyone,

I don’t know when you’ll be reading this, but I wanted to share my “word of the year” with you – encourage. When you look up that word, other words such as advice, support, confidence, inspire, and hope pop up. I love that, don’t you? If we consciously think about encouraging others, we can help give them confidence and hope. HOPE! Hope that they can pull themselves out of a problem situation, hope that they can do better at…whatever it is they’re struggling with, hope that they can get through a difficult season of life.

When you make an intentional effort to encourage, you have the opportunity to inspire. Think about it. Who has inspired you? How can you “pay it forward” and inspire someone else? We often think of inspiring and encouraging young people, which is so very important. But there are people in all age ranges who need encouragement. Maybe someone has lost a job. Or they are dealing with a difficult teenager. Or they are the sole caregiver for an elderly parent. Or they are struggling through school, trying to better themselves by getting a degree at what some may consider an “advanced age” (sometimes that advanced age might be anything over 30!). You may be the one to inspire them to keep putting one foot in front of the other as they overcome life’s challenges.

But there’s another category of people we need to intentionally encourage and that’s ourselves. Every single person moves through life from their own perspective. That naturally results in others thinking how they are moving through isn’t the “correct” way. Sometimes that attitude from others can be hurtful and we sink into what can become a dangerous place – we feel like we are doing it wrong, which can lead to feelings of being “less than.”

Let me just stop right here and encourage you…don’t let the committee in your head (fed by those who want to “help” you do it right) tell you that you aren’t enough. You ARE enough. You are NOT less than. Could you do better in some areas? I have no way of knowing that for sure, but if you’re anything at all like me, the answer is a resounding “absolutely!” But that doesn’t mean you should get discouraged. It just means you need to have an awareness (our word in the last blog post) of the situation so YOU can decide if you are being your best self in a particular situation.

Here’s an example: I was reviewing some evaluations from a few weeks ago (yep, I read every one!), and although most were very positive, there was a comment that really took me off-guard. Honestly? My feelings were hurt. I always take comments seriously, but since it was the only really negative comment, I had to mentally push myself back from my desk and encourage myself. Because of my upbringing, it can be a struggle for me to debate my own committee inside my head. The folks lounging around inside there know just where my vulnerabilities lie, and they love to ramp up the negative chatter. So, I had to encourage myself – there wasn’t anyone else to do it for me. Here’s what I’ve found though…every time I have to do that for myself, it reaffirms that “I’m okay” – maybe even more so than when someone else tries to encourage me. Sometimes, those people who want to encourage me are just being their sweet selves and I’m never sure if they have a clear perspective of what’s going on. But when something is dragging me down, I DO have a clear perspective since it’s my life that’s being affected. And I also have the opportunity to stop in the moment and encourage myself.

So, I’m going to challenge you to do the same. The next time something is weighing you down, take a moment to consciously re-frame your thoughts. How did I do that in the example I mentioned? I said to myself (yes, I often talk to myself, lol) that what that person said was obviously their reality on that day and that’s okay. It didn’t necessarily make it true in my life and I can be encouraged by the thought that I am now aware of the negative feeling that person expressed and if it’s useful, that’s great. But I don’t have to allow it to influence my feelings about myself.

Now…here’s your challenge question for this post (have you noticed I like to challenge you??): think of someone right this minute that could use some encouragement. You don’t necessarily have to take action right this minute, but don’t let too much time go by before you reach out to them because if you’re like me, it may slip your mind. Don’t forget to include yourself in that list if needed.

And remember, you ARE enough.

If you need any resource recommendations in that area, just drop me an email at lfbruno@cfl.rr.com and I’ll be happy to send you a few things I’ve found helpful. Until next time, be encouragED and encouragING!

Choices

Hello everyone,

I have alluded to this word in an earlier post, but it’s a BIG, important word in our lives these days. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems as a society, we’ve become accustomed to allowing people, events, or circumstances to decide how we live our lives…as if we have little or no control – and very few choices. In other words, those things make the perfect excuse when we can’t be bothered to adjust our attitude.

This thought came to me today when I received an email from a friend in the Midwest – the same Midwest that is expecting up to a foot of snow or more in some places, on top of the already-existing snow. In addition, there are predictions of possible large accumulations of ice and temperatures soon to drop below zero. Some of you reading this may live in the Midwest and wonder why that even comes to mind for me. Well…I moved to Florida in 2005 to escape not just the snow and ice of the Midwest, but also to escape seemingly unending days of dreary gray clouds. My husband and I craved sunshine. Although neither of us was ever “tested” for Seasonal Affective Disorder, had you been in our house during some of those rough winters, you would have been able to give us that diagnosis without any testing! Our attitudes reflected the skies.

That largely influenced our decision to move to Florida and I have never regretted that choice. Do I miss friends and family I left behind? Certainly. And another thing I miss is the change of seasons, primarily for the beautiful leaf colors! But for my own well-being, I needed to be where the sun shines more often than not. People even ask why I didn’t move farther south in Florida. Simple…I wasn’t looking for high temperatures, I was simply following the sun. That was a choice that made sense for me. And the sun led me to Ocala, which is also horse country – a bonus for my animal-loving self.

Certainly, there are other choices we make – some big, some small, all with consequences. If I decide to eat an orange scone from Panera every day (and believe me, I could!), a relatively “small” choice in the big scheme of things, there could be any number of consequences – extra weight, fatigue, diabetes, less money 😊, and the list goes on. So, I make the choice to only indulge with the orange scone as a special treat. That doesn’t make me a hero, obviously – especially since I sometimes then substitute Lindt truffles for an orange scone!

But it does help create a pattern of choices in my life that will benefit me as other choices crop up.

Every day, I have to choose to exercise and eat right. Most days, because it has become a habit, I choose well. Sometimes I don’t. When I don’t, I feel the difference, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I try to choose how I will spend my money besides my basic living expenses. Yesterday, I splurged and bought a nice tea kettle, as I have decided a cup of tea in the afternoon is quite pleasant. My Keurig coffee brewer doesn’t heat the water very hot, so a tea kettle was a gift to myself…but it also was a non-essential purchase. Since I try to limit those, just like the orange scones…I try to reflect on whether something is worth the “sacrifice” of whatever I will give up – extra cash, energy, good health, etc. Then I make a well-informed choice.

Here’s the one thing I want to make sure YOU consider about YOUR choices. Your attitude is a choice. Plain and simple. It’s easy to fall prey to using what’s happening around us as an excuse for a poor attitude. I get it. And I do that from time to time myself, even though I try hard not to. I have to really ratchet up my self-awareness to make sure I don’t get mired there. Health issues, financial pressures, work overload, difficult people, too many obligations, relationship problems, the political environment, things on social media or the nightly news (FYI – I have made a choice NOT to watch the news) – need I go on? All of these can affect our attitudes, but ONLY if we allow it.

Are you going to allow it? It’s your choice!

“Talk” to you soon! And in the meantime, if you need me, I’m only an email away at lfbruno@cfl.rr.com.